Forgiveness: An Aid to Mental Health
We have all been hurt by someone in our lives - spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, even strangers - and we sometimes have a hard time letting go of these hurts. Sometimes we want to hold onto these hurts because they are familiar to us and feel better than the unknown of letting go and healing. Perhaps we have a difficult time defining forgiveness and describing what it looks like because we were not taught a healthy form of forgiveness. Whatever the reason, here you will find some parameters to help guide on your path to forgiveness and healing.
Forgiveness IS NOT a weakness.
On the contrary, the act of forgiveness takes incredible strength. If forgiveness was easy, we wouldn't be talking about it right now. It takes strength to overcome our desire to hold onto hurts and let go of something familiar to us, but not letting go can hold us captive to our hurts and, by extension, captive to those who have hurt us.
Forgiveness IS NOT for them - it is for you.
You may feel like you are doing the offending party a favor by forgiving them, but the truth is that true forgiveness is more beneficial for you than it is for them. By forgiving the offending party, you are reclaiming the power that was taken from you in the event(s) that caused you hurt.
Forgiveness IS NOT without boundaries.
You can and must maintain boundaries while forgiving someone. Boundaries exist to help keep us physically and emotionally safe, but enforcing those boundaries is our responsibility. Forgiveness will invite possible future hurt if you do not maintain and enforce your boundaries.
Forgiveness IS NOT reconciliation.
Forgiveness does not require reconciliation, but reconciliation does require forgiveness. Hurt shows that trust has been broken and it will take time and effort on the part of both parties for that trust to be rebuilt. Sometimes that reconciliation is not possible in some circumstances.
Forgiveness IS NOT linear.
Forgiveness is not always a one and done deal. In some instances, we may find we need to forgive someone not once or twice, but many times over a long period of time. Some hurts are harder to forgive than others. Some days will be harder than others, but don't stop trying. Time really can help heal if you allow it.
Forgiveness IS NOT justice.
We yearn for justice in our souls. It makes us feel good to see the underdog come out on top or to see the bad guy caught and receive their consequences. We find a soul soothing satisfaction in seeing justice done. But you will not find justice in forgiveness because forgiveness often requires us to let go of our desire to see justice fulfilled and make peace with the knowledge that justice may not be satisfied.
Forgiveness IS healing.
Our bodies hold onto the hurts we experience and many people can experience physical symptoms or even pain as a result of the stress our bodies feel following a hurt we have experienced. When we let go of a hurt and forgive someone, we are releasing something negative from our body. We feel freer and lighter. Forgiveness is not just for our mental health - it is also for our physical health.
Forgiveness IS freeing.
When we are hurt, we can feel our power taken from us. This experience can contribute to the hurt feeling worse than necessary. Unforgiven hurt can make us feel trapped and stuck. Forgiveness helps us to reclaim the power we lost and can empower us on the road to healing.
Forgiveness IS hard.
It can be easy - perhaps too easy - to hold onto hurts that have been inflicted on us by others. Holding onto hurt can enable us to feel empowered as the victim in a way that is unhealthy. In this way, holding onto hurt can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, depression, and overall negative thoughts and unpleasant feelings. Forgiveness means letting go of our desire to hold onto these negative things.
Forgiveness IS possible.
You are in control of your ability to forgive or not forgive. You have the power to hold onto those hurt feelings or let them go. Do not give into the lie that your hurts define you or make it impossible for you to move forward. Forgiveness is hard, but it is possible.
Final Thoughts
Forgiveness is not meant to be seen as an item to check off your to do list. It cannot be rushed, and it must be genuine, or it will not be effective. Give yourself the time you need to let go and forgive and reach out for help if you find forgiveness overwhelming or too difficult to do alone. Don’t let your hurts hold you back from moving forward into freedom and healing.
If anger, hurt and bitterness is something you struggle with, the therapists at Healing Wounds Healthcare in Central Florida are here to help.
