Adopting Radical Acceptance: Healing the Parts of Ourselves We Feel Ashamed Of

We all experience emotions that make us uncomfortable - feelings like anger, jealousy, grief, or shame. These emotions can be painful, often triggering a harsh inner critic that tells us we shouldn’t feel this way. Over time, we may begin to hide or deny parts of ourselves that don’t feel “acceptable,” hoping that if we ignore them long enough, they’ll go away. But instead of freeing us, this resistance often deepens our pain.

Radical acceptance invites us to do something different: to meet our emotions, even the shameful or messy ones, with compassion and understanding rather than judgment. It’s not about condoning what hurts or pretending everything is fine; it’s about acknowledging reality as it is and allowing space for what we feel.

This practice can be deeply transformative, especially when shame has shaped how we see ourselves. By accepting our full emotional experience, we begin to loosen shame’s grip and reconnect with our own humanity.

1. Understanding Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance, a concept rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), means embracing life as it is without resistance, denial, or avoidance. It doesn’t mean agreeing with what’s happened or liking how we feel. Rather, it’s about saying, “This is what’s true for me right now.”

When shame surfaces, our instinct is often to push it away. We might distract ourselves, get defensive, or numb out. But shame thrives in silence and avoidance. The more we resist it, the more powerful it becomes. Radical acceptance interrupts this cycle. It allows us to face our emotions honestly, creating space for healing instead of hiding.

2. Recognizing the Voice of Shame

Before we can practice acceptance, we need to recognize shame’s voice. It often whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “You shouldn’t feel this way.” Shame convinces us that our emotions make us unworthy of love or belonging.

Start by noticing how shame shows up for you. Does it arise when you make a mistake, express anger, or feel vulnerable? Identifying these moments helps bring awareness to the parts of yourself that need compassion, not correction.

3. Meeting Your Feelings with Compassion

Once you recognize shame, try meeting it with kindness rather than judgment. You might say to yourself, “It makes sense that I feel this way,” or “I’m human, and it’s okay to have emotions.”

This gentle self-talk shifts your inner dialogue from criticism to care. The goal isn’t to erase shame but to acknowledge its presence and soothe it. Sometimes, placing a hand over your heart or taking a deep breath while naming the feeling (“This is shame, and I can handle it”) can be a powerful first step toward acceptance.

4. Letting Go of the “Shoulds”

Many of us live under the weight of emotional “shoulds.” I “shouldn’t feel angry,” “I should be stronger”, “I should have moved on by now.” These beliefs only reinforce shame. Radical acceptance asks us to let go of these expectations and instead focus on what’s real: I feel sad. I feel hurt. I feel afraid.

When we acknowledge what’s true in the moment, we stop fighting reality and begin to move through it. Paradoxically, this acceptance often brings the relief and freedom we were chasing all along.

5. Practicing Radical Acceptance Daily

Radical acceptance is not a one-time event; it’s a daily practice. You can begin by pausing during difficult moments and asking, “Can I allow this to be here, just as it is, right now?”

Over time, this simple question helps build emotional resilience. You start to trust yourself to face discomfort without collapsing under it. As acceptance deepens, shame begins to lose its power, making space for authenticity, connection, and peace.

Final Thoughts

Radical acceptance is not about giving up; it’s about softening into truth. When we stop rejecting the parts of ourselves that feel unworthy or shameful, we open the door to genuine healing. Each act of acceptance, no matter how small, is an act of courage.

The therapists at Healing Wounds Healthcare want you to know that you are not defined by your shame or your emotions. You are defined by your capacity to meet them with compassion, honesty, and grace. The journey toward radical acceptance is one of becoming whole; of learning that every part of you deserves to be seen, accepted, and loved.